2019 was a fearful year addressing what fear is and could be. Also the year I got to know Harry, Harry Edward Styles. I played Fine Line over and over. According to Spotify Wrapped Up 2019, I, shiela_samsuri was among the Top 2% of Fine Line listeners. I take pride in that. Not very sure for what, but please, allow me to feel such joy. It was a year of way too many shifts and I’m glad it took place. I spent a lot of time wandering around the neighbourhood to collect tarmacs. It is such a manmade world. I also tried my hands on acrylic painting, they were horrible. I later found joy scrapping and slicing them. Them plastic acrylic. Such a manmade world.


2020 took away the modern day distractions from busy being busy, and put me in this uncomfortable sphere of dealing with my own being. I realised the importance of acknowledging my fears, the deepest of which I had perhaps managed to suppress all this while. I spent a good amount of time during my short residency wondering whether all of us share a constant need to be validated, to be assured of, and ultimately, to feel that we belong. I have sat through this while making 4,447 pills since.


The year I realised I made too many promises to myself. The more I fake it, the more harm it did. I still wonder why we make so many promises...